Tug of War

{Andi Watkins took my photos last week and I love this one

I think she captured my Gypsy Soul perfectly.

  looking off at what could be.}

  This October will be the anniversary of the purchase of our first home.
We will have lived in our cute little townhouse for 4 years.
and it will officially be the longest I have ever lived at one residence. I hate to admit it, but its also been 4 crazy years of me itching to move again. its a sickness. Im addicted to moving. I love change and discovery and newness. To me, its all very exciting.

Growing up, I attended a new school for every grade level.
It wasn't until Middle school that I had two consecutive years.
and Then in high school, roots were planted and my three years in one home happened.
My Dad worked in retail and was always transferring stores. we lived all over the Phoenix valley in Arizona and All over St. George/Southern Utah. by the time I got married I had moved 20 times.
and I loved it. Moving was an adventure.
Our stuff stayed in boxes and taught us that it was just stuff. I even slept on a make shift storage box bed for a few months till the next store location was determined.
Knowing that we would only be in one place for a short period of time, I didn't have a lot of friends. but my younger brothers and sister and books and songs, and myself were my friends. and it was nice.

It forced me to be a social butterfly. I knew that if I was gonna make friends, I had to do it fast. I was the weird girl who would walk up to strangers and burst out, 

"Wanna be friends?" sometimes it worked like magic. other times I was bullied. but I wasn't phased by their contempt. I grew a thick skin and knew I probably would be moving soon and wouldn't have to see them ever again.

sadly, my quick-made mates were also left and I really have no connection or clue where most of my childhood friends are. some of them I can't remember their last names and I wish I did cuz Id love to look them up on "The Facebook". Even the kid that inspired Codebreaker, I can't remember his last name. I did keep in touch with a few friends. sending kitty stickers on postcards or receiving hard sticks of Big Red gum from the sweetest of pen pals. I love those connections. and just thinking of them makes me want to write them a letter. I think I will.

(I am the worst blogger, I am sorry to anyone reading this, I swear my tangents are ridiculous. )  

The reason I am bringing up my childhood travels, is because I have always dreamt of adulthood travels. I always have wanted to travel the country. live in lots of places. and see what is out in the world. I have had the "This is good, but something might possibly be better and I want to see" mentality for many years. I have failed to truly appreciate where I already am. I have prayed for help with this. To stop thinking about the different places and be in this place. To Bloom here, make roots here. To stop wondering who I would be if only I was somewhere else....a lot of the songs on my new album are about just that. Its about Going Places but realizing you don't have to Go anywhere to find happiness. Its inside us.

and Luckily for me and my family my music is providing me opportunities to travel. It keeps the "run away from home" monsters at bay. Does anybody else battle those?
I am in between laundry loads and packing right now and wanted to share my thoughts before I took off. I also have been practicing an acoustic version of Tug of War that I wanted to share. Have a listen and maybe tell me I'm not the only one who feels these things...another guilt song that I can relate to is Lucinda Williams "Side of the Road"

to me its about being in love with your life, but still wanting a little break from it. just to remind yourself who you are.
I feel a little ashamed in these admissions. I have a wonderful life and Im so happy. Its just my inner Tug of War.