SITTING WITH MY DAUGHTER IN THE TEMPLE

A crisp November morning and I park outside the gate,

My choices won't permit me to go in.

My tears, a combination, of happiness and pain,

So much to say....so where do I begin?

The Choir, singing softly, offers solace to my soul.

Repeat the words again, "Be still...Be still..."

And I close my eyes imagining, as sun comes shining in,

And I'm sitting with my daughter in the Temple. 

I know someone is guiding you each step along the way,

Her heart is pure, her testimony strong.

And mortal beings and heavenly beings rejoice with you this day,

So grateful to this family you belong.

So I pray that you are smiling, and that you feel self assured,

For you have chosen Heavenly Father's will.

And although I can't be with you, I hope some day to be, 

Sitting with my daughter in the Temple. 

Each life is filled with extraordinary moments,

A tapestry that only God can see.

And in the dark, dross places, our Savior intercedes

with a perfect blend of justice and mercy.

and A soul that feels exquisite pain, can feel exquisite joy,

looking forward to a lifetime to fulfill

Every sweet, eternal moment, Like the one I'm having now,

As I'm sitting with my daughter in the Temple.

The Astronaut and The Mermaid: the power of friendship

its March. 2017.

St. George City Concert in the Park, Cherie, Lyndy, and Tilby plus my favorite buddies. 

 Last year at this time, Cherie and I were polishing our tunes, about to launch our kickstarter.

Over the past 7 months that the album has existed, we have played some of the most fun shows in our hometowns but honestly, we haven't done a ton of promoting because we are in the delightful depths of motherhood. (birthday celebrations, sports, school projects, music lessons, cooking, cleaning, general keeping alive, raising humans situations.)

Salt Lake Release Show, Pat, Ryan, Colin, Cherie, Lyndy, Brett. 

 A few months ago, Cherie told me that she had thought of entering the John Lennon Songwriting Contest. The idea came to her mind on the day that the competition was actually closing. ((universe/God/heart prompting))

Well, The Astronaut and the Mermaid was selected as a Grand Prize finalist. and Im just so grateful for her for taking the time to enter and also, I'm so grateful that this song will get the attention it deserves. This album is so special, for so many reasons, and I was feeling so down on myself for not having the time and energy to devote to sharing it.

Also, FRIENDSHIP IS THE COOLEST.

CAn I share a few things that I wouldnt have survived (dramatic, i would have survived but it would have sucked way more) without friends.

On the VERY Day we launched the Kickstarter last Spring, I found out my whole family had lice. yep gross. One of the worst things I have experienced thus far in motherhood. I text Cherie about it while washing all of our bedding and clothes at the laundromat. She told me that she had been there and it was, in fact, super terrible. and her just understanding how hard it was made things a little better.

Then this fall, our downstairs bathroom flooded, and once again Cherie knew my pain. She sent me a blogpost of her traumatic flood experience, ( read about it here, its awful) I felt a little peace in the chaos because she knew exactly what I was going through.

I tend to be a bit of an introvert and I don't think to tell others about the hard stuff going on in my life. Maybe its because I feel like its my business and I dont want to burden others with my drama and maybe I want to appear like I have my shit together... but I so don't. Ive recognized in the last few months how important THE BUDDY SYSTEM project was to me last year. I struggled after Willow was born and having these songs to sing about motherhood and childhood cleared the fog of my postpartum depression. so THANK YOU. Thanks Cherie for being there, even though you are kinda far away, you are my astronaut mermaid ninja pirate hero forever. and thank you everyone who supported this project, with floods, and lice, and depression if I wouldnt have had this project to be a shining colorful highlight of the year, I dont think i would have made it. also this is a great first impression If you are just visiting my blog for the first time because of us winning the contest. Hi, Lets be friends.
Heres a photo of us, completely Lice free, in a newspaper article about our song and project

. you can read the article here. Thanks Brian Passey from the spectrum for a great write-up! Hooray for friends!!

I love you all the colors

"Is this song about skittles?" Our producer, Ryan, sarcastically asked while preparing to lay down our first take. I instantly answered "yep!"
then he asked, "or is it about equality?"
again the answer was, "YES! It Absolutely is."

I took this photo on the way home from the studio that night. the sky was a rainbow and the moon was full.
a secret message to be found.

        For the past several years I have felt the arrows of my moral compass spinning. and I have been trying to reestablish a belief system, a reconversion if you will, to mormonism, christianity, and theism. I long to feel comfortable in a spiritual/religious atmosphere, and I haven't felt that in awhile. (Unless you count Nature Church. The ward family I have now is a true blessing and I love them but I feel my insides twist when certain subjects are discussed so nature church is true, amen.) I can't really pin point a moment of testimony disassembling, but I have felt myself dig up my garden of little faith seedlings. A personal pruning and asking myself, what do I want to grow here? I've had to start at the beginning, and so came an understanding of "MY" first basic truths, and then like I do, I turned them into a children's song.

Today was my daughters pre-preschool assessment. On the parent questionnaire, it asked what type of learner do you think your child is? After thinking about it for a few minutes, trying to recall what kinds of ways a person learns, I decided that my 4 year old is a visual learner. All she has to do is "See" what needs to be done. and she can pretty much do it. and this led me to ponder my own learning style. I too, am a seer, then believer, then doer..
So in trying to determine what I believe and strengthen my testimony in those beliefs,  I look with my eyes, instead of my heart. I know thats "Religiously wrong", but human.  (a favorite book is THE LITTLE PRINCE and looking with your heart is the whole moral <3) but even in looking with my eyes I have had manifestations of Love and miracles and goodness, and I've seen evidence that God is real.

-when I LOOK at the Earth. (especially when standing on mountains) I FEEL so much love. how can something this miraculous be an accident. Nope. It couldn't have been just happenstance. The Earth is here for a reason, and that reason is us. My heart tells me. And my eyes tell me.

-when I LOOK at my children. (Like WOW! procreation is the coolest.) I FEEL soooo much love.
(even if you haven't had your own children, or don't plan on being a parent. I think you can recognize that from your own parent or parental figure, or loved one. humans are amazing. and the love we get to share is amazing) then I imagine what it must feel like for God. like mind exploding amounts of love. for each of his children.

I feel like a child ALL THE TIME. (hoping and wondering if I am doing this human thing right)
so much failure, so much learning. I feel like I am constantly trying to connect with my creator and the world around me. Constantly praying. Constantly saying THANK YOU, for the opportunities given to me. or just all experiences in general. I am so glad to be a part of this world, and to get to live this life.  I believe in God. just this week I had a prayer blatantly, face-slappingly answered. LIKE PRAYER, BAM, ANSWER! it was nuts.
(I'd tell you the story but its a little embarrassing and I'm already spilling a whole lot of guts here.)

At the beginning of our Kickstarter I shared the origins of this song, it was a little riddle game with my kids. But this is the Deep  plunge of thoughts  and feelings on the matter. "ILYATC" is my ultimate and simplest love song. and It is about whatever kind of love you need and want it to be about. Sure, it can be about Love for Skittles, For me it is a love song and story about a cosmic creator. A Creator who loves all equally. Just exactly the way we are, so yes its about equality. I believe in creation. In this day and age, it may be considered silly to have faith in things that cant be proven, but to me the proof is in the colors.



PS. Fun Studio Fact about the production. I sang ILYATC one time. this was just the scratch vocal, and Cherie and I liked it a lot so we kept it. Another one of those "meant to be, it wanted to be created" kind of moments. I love love love how this production turned out, Cherie and Ryan surprised me with the call and response back ground vocal and it was the best thing ever. that, and Chris's Splashy snare drum. So perfect!